Do you ever find yourself dropping the hammer in a mexican standoff? Or going off half-cocked on a Saturday night special? Don't answer that! Let's start with the basics. 

• 1. Location: The Los Angeles Gun Club 
• 2. Safety: Tutorial, warning placards on what NOT to do, Goggles, ear plugs, headphones
• 3. Guns/Ammunition/Training: 357 Revolver and 9mm Automatic, 6-8 bullets per round (depending on gun), Marines (friends with weapons training)
• 4. Target: Choice of circles, body zones, muggers, zombies, and/or crouching drug lords 

Let's start by signing the appropriate liability waiver that questions your state of being (depressed? on drugs?), your level of experience and your good faith to pay for any damages. Make sure to throw in a non-optional thumb print as well. Next, the bilingual staff will determine your lane, which accommodates a maximum of two individuals. A total of fifteen indoor lanes are allocated within the range and are based on a first come, first served policy. Remember to get that deli number upon entering! Once a selection is made on the type of gun rental, the staff proceeds to show and tell the proper handling, loading and safety policies. Pricing is based on the number of people, duration, gun rental and ammunition purchase, along with the target choice. For two rookies without lock, stock and barrel it was approximately $50 for the hour. 

Adorn goggles and ear protection before entering the range. Boom! KaPOW! Rat-a-tat! You have entered the war room. If you weren't nervous before... get ready to sweat. No zen. No koi pond. Only the smell of gun powder and the kick back of brass casings. We should talk wardrobe here. Obviously, close-toed shoes, hair out of eyes...but for the ladies and their bosoms, a warning: COVER UP! Otherwise there's a pinball's chance in hell that a hot, fiery metal shell will find itself right where the crumbs go. Nobody likes burning flesh or a chick freaking out with a loaded weapon. So, point taken.

Onto the show! The range rents and allows pistols, rifles and shotguns. (It's as if Grandpa left Cops on real loud again.) Loading of all weapons is done in the booths. Targets are attached by two clips on either side and zipped backwards up to fifty feet. Load rounds, assume firing grip and stance, focus on target, disengage safety, pull trigger; don't pee yourself. All in that order. Continue until your load is fired. Pull your target back and assess your skills. "Well, I'll be a son of a gun!"

After you get your hearing back, check out the gear and some of the celebrities who have signed targets for the LA Gun Club: Queen Latifah and Ryan Gosling sure do get the lead out. Then go relax and grab a pint over at Angel City Brewery. Also, in that order.

So nice, they named it twice! If we're going with the straight translation here, it means Bathing Bathing. Located on the thermal springs of the Black Forest, Baden Baden is a trendy spa town in Germany. It's close to both France and Switzerland. Many tourists visit for the R & R along with the healing powers of the water. And cause it's wicked cool.

The Carcalla Therme is the modern Baden Baden bath house. And by bath house I mean house of giant indoor/outdoor pools, whirlpools, waterfalls, cold plunges, steam rooms, heat lamps, and saunas. It requires you to wear your "bath costume" in the pools but just upstairs in the sauna all that can be forgotten.  Except the memory. Of all the naked people. Disclaimer: I actually didn't go upstairs. I've been twice; the first time with my friend Lindsey who opened the doors, gasped and then closed them as I walked into her from behind (circa 2010). The second time I was just hungover and napped under the heat lamps (a week and a half ago). Nudity really isn't a thing for Europeans.  They don't giggle at naked parts. Outwardly, anyways. But being mature doesn't have to keep you away, just downstairs. 

The town is super cute and easy enough to wander about. It's mostly upscale boutiques, cafes and souvenir shops. There's a fancy casino, opera house and biergarten. I cant speak to the casino or opera house (didn't go) but to the Lowenbrau biergarten I say, "Prost!". Germany is all about the meat and cheese dishes and here at the biergarten there was no difference. Large and in charge meat platters. It's hard to keep your hands off those wieners.

Rest up. Eat up. Yup. Yup.

I am emphasizing the sensuous here. No hashtag. Hot, oily, buttery, starched decadence.  Where is this fat kid happiness, you ask? Well, I found it in Brussels. 

Belgium knows how to throw a party in your mouth. They are the ones we have to thank for taking mere potatoes and having their way with them. Thus, birthing the french fry. It's only natural that they would make them the best. But the dipping sauce? Let's talk about this mayo character. Once you get over the U.S. stigma of 'ewwww, mayo!' it's quite a complimentary condiment. I do say so.

Then we have the chocolate. With over 2,000 chocolatiers in Belgium you can't go wrong. They have bark, truffles, macaroons, chocolate covered fruit (healthier?, sure), meringue, pralines, giandujas, white/milk/dark, the whole nine. Since 1884 the composition of the Belgium chocolate has been regulated. For instance, vegetable based fats are not used. Many small chocolate boutiques exist due to companies producing the products by hand. It's art people!

Next there's the spiced shortbread cookie, or as you may know it, the individually packaged airlplane treat. The speculoos is made with various designs and gulped down with tea or espresso. Originally made to celebrate St. Nicholas' feast, its thin, crunchiness usually has an image of that fella stamped on the front.

But the super starch staple of Belgium? Four magical letters! BEER. About 180 breweries create Flemish reds to lambics, dubbels to blondes. Its a country of microbreweries and international giants. Just remember the proper glass. So, whether inhaling or drinking your calories in Brussels, always remember to brush. Your partner will thank me. 

In the pursuit of hoppiness, Heineken created The Heineken Experience, an interactive self-guided tour, in the heart of Amsterdam. Right down the street from the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh museum is the former brewery (operating for 100 years). Today it is the bustling marketing campaign for Heineken. The tour lasts about 1.5 hours, depending on your cadence and beer guzzling technique (2 free small drafts at the end of the tour). It includes the Heineken history complete with photographs, awards, relics and real live horses (you can't touch any of these, even the horses are behind glass). 

Tickets cost 18 euro ($23.26) per person. The interactive activities include: creating your own dutch music video, photo opportunities with cutouts, sending a video message to loved ones and pouring the perfect virtual beer. You also have the option to create your own personalized bottle (you can put your name on the label) for 6 euros. And there's a gift store. For anything and everything Heineken branded (250 products). Hello, Christmas stockings!

Following the tour, Heineken offers guests seats on their canal boat located directly across the street and, you guessed it, along the canal! It's a short (one-way) ride complete with the option to purchase more Heineken. So, you should really like Heineken. Or historical brewing tours followed by boat rides. Either or. I'm not judging (I'm in a Dutch music video for crying out loud).

The Singel is a canal in Amsterdam most famous for its flower market. Officially it's called Bloemenmarkt in Dutch. Fifteen small flower shops are located atop floating barges. In old timey days (starting in 1862) the flowers arrived via the waterways but today they simply appear by van. 

Tulips are the flower of choice in Holland but you can find varietals of many different flowers here from bouquets to bulbs. The market also sells seeds, which span from vegetables to cannabis starter kits. Dealers choice. But when traveling outside the country make sure to have a customs cleared stamp for border patrol for the specific country your entering. Or bad things happen (no tulips for you!).

If flowers aren't your thing, there's also a handful of souvenir shops. Stop in and get some clogs or an arrangement of Amsterdam housing magnets. Less aromatic but increased lifeline expectancy. You Dig?

A two and a half hour drive from Amsterdam will bring you to Ghent, a charming city full of castles, churches, chocolate and wallpaper stores. It's a college town, so many young people flock to the bars and steps along the canal for socializing and imbibing. Tours are offered along the canal for a 6.50 euro fee after all the shopping, belgium waffle sampling and afternoon wandering. The captain will give some historical anecdotes in the language of your choice.

Ghent is super small compared to the likes of Amsterdam but overly impressive with its medieval flare. It has museums (where "The Adoration of the Mystic Lamb" painting from "The Monuments Men" film is located) along with a belfry with a 12 foot dragon at its peak and a masked angel sculpture atop the abby. But the big draw is its lighting plan. In the evening Ghent is lit up! The lighting artist, Atelier Roland Jeol, worked with the cities urban planning department to develop the international award winning system.  

You should definitely spend the night and Ghent yourself some treats for the road.

LEGOS are the creative building blocks of imagination. Many children have spent countless hours building cities, creatures and robots but few have brought the brick into their adult life, especially as a source of income or even acclaim. But that was exactly the case for US artist, Nathan Sawaya. Formerly a lawyer with just a hobby in LEGOS, Nathan started constructing some pieces that received attention online. Eventually he was awarded commissions, which became so popular that he decided to leave his legal profession. Today Nathan has an exhibition, The Art of the Brick, touring worldwide. Currently, it's in Amsterdam at the Amsterdam EXPO. It has even been extended for an additional six weeks due to its popularity.

At the top of the self-guided tour you're given headphones with a wireless audio pack for commentary on many of the art pieces, which range from sculptures to paintings to stain glass windows. Reproduction of famous artworks run the gamet with Sawaya's artistic vision; including fabricating paintings in 3D form to showcase depth, for example. Brick counts, scale according to the original artwork and even number of days creating the piece of art are detailed alongside each creation. Towards the end of the showcase Sawaya reveals his original creations. Most are based on feelings of insecurity or inner struggles. It's engrossing and identifiable. Straight up neat.

The exhibition is plentiful, playful and thoughtful, after all, every idea starts with that initial brick. 

There's a section in Amsterdam's Red Light district for blue lights, which showcases the only male prostitution presence in the city... er, or at least what technically aren't women. Pointed out on the tour I took, these transgendered / transvestites also stand mannequin-style behind glass doors wearing fancy underwear. Trying to catch the attention of passers-bys, these "working girls" use blue florescent neon lights to advertise their wares for cold, hard cash.

Around The Old Church from about noon to midnight everyday business is open for service. And not just the boys. This is primarily a women's world after all. Nowadays, however, it's mostly Eastern European women with a very low percentage of Dutch girls in the windows. The government has tried to determine what/if any of these women are/were forced into their profession through human trafficking. Variations in data collection range drastically from 10% - 90%! To me, it seemed that most were comfortable in their window displays. Many were even on their cell phones texting or hanging out with a friend in a nearby window. Most of the girls looked early twenties but some women have worked the streets for decades. Martine and Louise Fokkens are twins whom just recently finally hung up their stockings in 2013. Retiring at the ripe old age of 70, the Fokkens wrote a book following their careers entitled, "The Ladies of Amsterdam". It spans over 50 years and upwards of 300k+ men.

I was told there's about 250 windows spread around the Wallen Red Light district with rent at about 80-120 euros per hour depending on location and time of day. There's even a union, De Rode Draad, and a center for prostitution information (PIC), where the former prostitute owner will inform the public about social conditions over coffee and apple pie. 

Ordering either the blue (or red) plate special in Amsterdam has been officially legal since 2000 with the abolishment of the brothel ban.